Friday, April 27, 2012

Trying hard to "cherish"

The last couple of months, my word of the year, "cherish" has been mighty hard for me to abide by.  My time away from my blog has been filled with bad news from Ian's Dr.'s.  Ian has a tumor on his skull  that is rapidly enlarging.  We knew this before, but this thing just seems to have a mind of it's own and is starting to cause major issues.  Surgery right now is planned for mid-to-late June.  The Dr.'s want to give Ian a bit more time to (hopefullly) "beef up" a bit before he undergoes this MAJOR surgery. 

It's so hard to explain, we've know about this tumor now for a while - we've seen it on x-rays, cat scans and mri's, we've talked to multiple Dr.'s about it and on some level, we know that we've seen it.  It's on the left side of his head - above and to the side of his eyebrow.  It is clearly noticeable to everyone - it protrudes from his head.  But somehow, we just haven't really "seen" it - until now.....We had Ian's pictures taken yesterday.  For some reason, when we looked at the pictures, we SAW it - really SAW it.  Way out of Ian's view, I lost it...totally lost it. Hubby did the same thing.  When we look at Ian, all we see is Ian's beautiful not-so-little face.  We just see Ian - not the lump, we just see Ian.

I'm scared - sometimes I feel like I'm so scared, I can hardly breathe.  I'm trying so hard to "cherish" my life...but it's so hard right now.  I do "cherish" being Ian's mama - oh, how I "cherish" that!  I "cherish" having wonderful Dr.'s and good insurance.  I "cherish" my family and friends who keep lifting us up.  Hmm...there are definitely things that I DO NOT "cherish", but I guess somehow we'll get through those things.  I do not cherish this tumor!  I do not cherish running out of chocolate in the house, I do not cherish hominy grits, I do not cherish snakes....but, the "don't cherish list is MUCH shorter than the "do cherish" list....and at the end of the day, I guess I "cherish" that...

We would be most grateful for any prayers, good thoughts, etc that you could send his way.  Please add his name to any prayer lists that you know of...  We are going to storm the gates of heaven and "cherish" having Ian be healed and whole and get him back to being Ian!